Talking To Teens An Emotional Minefield

Ever feel that talking to your teen is like navigating a minefield? You just never know which step is going to be the one that blows up in your face. This poor guy in the graphic is exactly how I feel after having had a conversation with my 18-year-old about the need for him to be productive and how best to manage a job search until it’s time to start college in January. And I imagine my son is feeling pretty much the same way about me. We hit a major disconnect. It blows my mind. My sons and I can have spirited debates about just about everything. Last night we talked about the presidential candidates. But the minute I try to guide or advise, we end up in WW III with my son accusing me of being judgmental and me thinking he’s stubborn and way too cocky for his own good. AACCK!

At About.com, I found this and it seems like common sense sitting here with everything calm but as soon as tempers start to flare, some of these things are easy to forget:

Examples of conversational door openers:

  • “What do you think?”
  • “Would you like to share more about that?”
  • “That’s a good question.”
  • “I don’t know, but I’ll find out”
  • “I’m interested in what you are saying.”
  • “Do you know what that means?”
  • “That sounds important to you.”
  • “Do you want to talk about it?”

    Examples of conversational door closers:

  • “You are too young to understand.”
  • “If you say that again, I’ll…”
  • “That’s none of your business.”
  • “I don’t care what your friends are doing!”
  • “We’ll talk about that when you need to know.”
  • “That’s just for boys/girls”
  • “Why are you asking me that?”
  • “You don’t need to know about that.”
  • “Don’t come to me if you mess up.”Source: Parent Effectiveness Training

    • And here’s a door slammer of my own — my mother used it on me and it shut me right down and, unfortunately, I do it with mine: “You ought to…”. This feels to a kid very judgmental as though the parent has no faith in the kid to choose the right path.

    Now… I wonder if these work with husbands too?

    August 26, 2008 · Filed Under Uncategorized

    Comments

    4 Responses to “Talking To Teens An Emotional Minefield”

    1. Melissa, Multitasking Mama on August 26th, 2008 5:33 pm

      Thanks for that- always good to have tips to deal with teens and tweens- mine can drive me crazy! I also nominated you for a blog award. You can pick it up at my site at http://www.multitaskingmama.com.

    2. black betty on August 27th, 2008 10:58 am

      if they work on hubby, let me know!!!
      so…this is what i have to look forward to, huh? lordy, lordy!!! :D

    3. Willow on August 28th, 2008 8:44 am

      @Melissa, thanks so much for the award! I’ll be putting it up ASAP. Boy, am I ever having one of THOSE weeks. Your award helped brighten it up!

      @black betty, I haven’t figured out, after 20 years, WHAT works on husbands! And, yeah, hon, this is but a little tiny window into what you have to look forward to! :: evil wicked laugh ::

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