I just wanted to say thanks to those of you who have asked about the status of my newish bipolar diagnosis. I’ve moved most of the contents of this post to the Bipolar Page but just wanted to quickly mention that I failed the med that we thought was working, due to tremendous side effects. I was told by the doc this past Monday to stay off all meds for a while, get my system clear and we’d see what to do next. The hope was that I’d stay stable until my November appointment. Not gonna happen. For a few days now, I have felt my body and my brain amping up and up and up… My best bet now is to stay on my knees in prayer between now and Monday when I can call the doctor. (He doesn’t see patients or take calls from Thursday afternoon until Monday morning.) I haven’t prayed that God would take this from me. I believe it’s been put here in my life at this time for a reason so my prayers have been more like “God, while I’m in this manic phase, please don’t let me do anything to screw up or hurt my family!” and that He will use me and work His purpose in me and through me. I truly had no idea that bipolar is such a hard thing to treat and I had no idea what bipolars and their families go through while waiting for the right treatment. I hate it for Studly and the kids but they’re coping okay. Actually they’re being completely awesome.
I know some of you guys are also bipolar or have family members who are so if you have tips to share or just need to commiserate I’m here. I gotta say I like the up phases better than the down ones, at least they’re productive. I worry about when, how bad and how fast the next down phase will hit.
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Love the look of your blog! lol (I never even noticed! geesh I’m kinda of a dork that way)
Willow, my thoughts are with you during this difficult time. You have read my blog so you know I have struggled with my son. I know you will make it through this, I can tell you are really trying hard. Get the help you need. Medication is so important in these situations and never feel any shame. Just by writing about this you are helping others and that may be God’s plan for you. I am not religious (maybe a little bit) but I do believe in a higher power. In Yoga we say Namaste, the higher power in me salutes the higher power in you. I am thinking about you.
@troubled teen Thanks for the encouragement. It’s a little frustrating, knowing that I’m slipping during this “clearing out my body” phase when we had gotten SO CLOSE with the Lamictal. I worry that during the up phases I might do something that will damage my family — spend too much money, start the wrong kind of project — whatever so even though everything in my brain is saying “go go go, do do do” I’m trying with everything I have to hold back and make sure none of it is bad. I just had no idea. I figured it would be as easy, relatively speaking, as treating depression and it just is not! I have a new compassion for people and their families who are dealing with this.
@Dana I never notice most people’s looks of their blogs because I mostly read through Google Reader. So unless somebody says “hey, check it out” I never even notice. I love the notepad; it’s so beautiful but I think my Apron Strings site needs something a little different, a little more robust. I’m funky about that anyway; I get bored iwth a look really easy and have to make changes. can’t do it in my house; my furniture is too heavy so my blog gets it all!
i takes so much time to properly medicate and diagnose. my mother was diagnosed 19 years ago. over the years, we have been through about ten doctors, about 20 hospital stays, and every medication known to man. my mom been sick since she was 16 years old. it takes a while to find the right mix. she is finally stable, and her doctor takes her case SERIOUSLY. he doesn’t try to fix EVERYTHING with medication. plus, she’s diabetic, too…so, that throw sa whole other wrench in the mix. diabetes and bipolar have a lot of common symtoms.
honey, i am praying for you. i KNOW how hard this can be. hang in there and keep praying for strength. i watch my mom and know how hard it is to get up and face another day…seriously, i do.
you could try http://www.nami.org. they have offices ALL over and even support groups you can attend (kind of like AA). a place to vent and have others around you with the same issues. you can really get good advice from others dealing with the same disorder…other avenues to explore. find out if your county or local area has a day program or group sessions during the week. my mom attends a program three days a week for about 4 hours a day.
((((((HUGS))))))